from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
