He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Randomize
