Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
