I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
