She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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