Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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