pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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