You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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