Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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