with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
