so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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