This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
