what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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