I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
