I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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