My Higher Power is John Stamos
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
