dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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