Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
