remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
