Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I woke up under a house in Key West
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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