i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
