But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
