he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Randomize
