guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
