I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
