You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
