Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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