Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
