Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
