PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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