is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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