so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
