My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
