I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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