I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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