My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
