how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
