She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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