I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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