So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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