I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
