Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I just want to make out with him forever
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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