Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
