She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
