I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
