erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
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