No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
