Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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