The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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