Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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