having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
