We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
