Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
