can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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