do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
